Do's and Dont's when dating a younger man

I've learned the easy and the hard way what works and what doesn't when dating a younger man.


First and foremost you must be flexible, and I Don't mean just your limbs. That is a plus but not a necessity. I mean, be mentally flexible to embrace new ideas, music, literature, interests, even vocabulary. I"m not suggesting that you have to change who you are. Please remember that your attractiveness is precisely the fact that you know who you are and what you want and don't have to conform to society's preconceived standards. However, part of that definition is not being tied to one generation's definition of what's is "in" or interesting.

My first experience in this regard was in respect to music. Admittedly I was fairly rigid in my love of music and had not explored new music for 20 years or more. Like many of my generation, I felt "my" music was the best and nothing since could really compete so why bother listening. Let's face it, the headbanger, hard acid, lift me over the floor and pass me through the room and over your head music, went right over my head and I hadn't paid much attention to it since. I didn't even pay attention to rap because I felt it wasn't really music and quite frankly, was beneath me. Well, I was proven wrong when I was immersed in it over a couple of drinks and my partner explained the nuances and we sang the songs together and danced with abandon. I totally enjoyed it and began to listen to a whole new repertoire of music that I had ignored for so long. Needless to say, I had a lot of catching up to do. The fact that I was open to listening was appealing to my partner as it proved he had a lot to share with me and I had something (quite a lot) to learn from him.



While I was teaching him to dance, he was teaching me new tunes to which to dance. He got quite a kick out of looking up tunes on itunes, downloading them and then getting my opinion on them. I learned what his favorites were and I found some of my own. I also opened up a whole new door at work. Whereas in the past I had little in common, musically, with my young employees, I now knew exactly what tunes to pick for our awards banquet videos. I was suddenly a hit with all of them. It was also amusing to see the look on my colleagues faces when my phone rang and it was a popular new tune (OK - it was Low, I was pushing the envelope).



Now when I mention vocabulary I do not mean that you need to use it yourself. You probably will end up looking very silly and sound even worse. But you should know what that vocabulary means. Do not be afraid to ask, your mate understands that you aren't going to be exposed to most of his peers' secret language and will get a kick out of teaching you. Furthermore, it doesn't hurt to remind him the proper usage of the language in case the slang gets out of hand and crosses over into the professional world. Just remember, you are not his mother and correcting him like one will quickly cool the embers. Above all be there to build his self esteem.



Learn what's new in the world in fields you are unfamiliar. If he's into finance, as is mine, then learn what's going on in that field or have him fill you in on the highlights.. Better yet, keep up with a few companies or stocks on your own and update him on what you came across. Whatever his hot buttons are, take the time to learn a little about it so you can engage in conversation in his favorite topics. Believe me, it'll pay off. He will return the favor, I promise.



Sports! You can never go wrong with knowing a little or a lot about sports. Most men, not all, have an interest in one sport or many and the more you can share the interest the better. Besides, there aren't many negatives when watching tight ends or skimpy uniforms on men while they are battling it out on a playing field.



Now here comes a big don't. Please don't expect him to take you to parties that are being thrown by his high school or college buddies. Not only do many younger men not want to be "outed" as a cub to all of their peers (especially the women - they can be hostile), but they really don't want all of their buddies hitting on you. Let's face it, younger men are shameless when it comes to ignoring a date and hitting on anything female that walks in the door. He doesn't want the competition and will want to avoid that. Do not take it personally, it's just one of those things. Now if you are married or a long term committed relationship, and he's still uncomfortable, then I must admit I would ask him what why he feels that way.



Don't ever belittle him because of his age. He could feel insecure enough knowing that you are a smart experienced woman, but it's the differences that are to be celebrated not pointed out as negatives. Of course, there will be areas that you are more knowledgeable about, but that is not his fault and shouldn't be pointed out as such. You are there to support each other's positives, not point out each other's negatives. If you open that door, you will lose for sure.



The biggest positive I have found dating younger men is there capacity for appreciating your successes and talents. They are supportive and can be your biggest cheerleader. You need to return the favor by making sure they feel the same appreciation and support. If either of you isn't getting that from your partner, you should move on.



There are many other Do's and Don'ts and I will share them with you in future editions. In the meantime, if you have any observations of your own, please share them with me as I'm always looking for good information from which to learn and to share.